DeadPool,Rise of Lady Pool,Just Asking for Trouble
by MoonSpider95
Summary: DeadPool has met a Lady Pool!
1. 2 for 1 Disaster

**Author's note: I wrote this back when the arrival of a female Wade Wilson is announced. This was my prediction of what I think she'd do to him. This is issue 1 of a 6 part mini. Also I wore in pink type and there are references to fan fictions by a man named str8upevl with Spidey and DP in bed together (not as it sounds) so...yeah...just so you know. I hope you enjoy. :)**

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_2 for 1 Disaster_

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_Our story begins with Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson at a bar in Canada, getting a kick out of luring girls near a kiss, and letting them freak out when they see his face. It stung a little a couple years back, but now it's just plain funny to him. All the while, Deadpool was thinking -_

"Hold it! Who is writing this? Oh great, another wanna-be writer! First str8up-lame, now I'm a character for a kid. Look, since you're new I'll warn you once and only once, DON'T WRITE MY LIFE!"

_Hey, listen, it's not like following me will get you killed, and at least I won't put you in bed with Spidey, UNLESS YOU MAKE ME MAD!_

"Whoa-ho-ho, kid got a temper. Someone's used to being in control! Yeah, you look so tough in your pink type. Not! I don't wanna slice and ice a kid, 'specially not a girl, there's a line there, so just lay back and let me take over. I've got something you don't here and that's experience. Well, and weapons. And a sense of humor. and - "

_Fine! I'm out!_

"Finally, now where was I..." Oh yeah. All the while I was wondering why these people were staring at me. Was it my looks? Me trying to freak out the lesser ladies? Or was it me talking out loud to a voice they can't hear? Either way I got my can kicked outta there faster than my "writer" gets mood swings. Cruddy place anyways.

So I decide to head out and see if anyone got a job for me. As a mercenary I mean. None of those jobs that tank cuz they expect you to be nice to all the customers, or kick you out because some scars peel off in the food you're serving while you sneak some chimichangas. Their own fault. I told'em I needed to keep my mask on. Before I could get too far, this van that looked like it came straight out of a Men in Black movie smothered me in smoke before I could pull a gun. Soon I'm out cold.

"Bea? That you, honey? Outlaw?"

"No, you imbosile!"

"God? Haven't heard you call me that since I thought Wolverine was there during a Christmas special and I almost blew the church to bits! How've you been?"

"I'm not God, but I'll take that as a compliment for your sake."

I finally got enough sight to see where I am. I'm tied to a table and...Oh God...I'm back at Weapon X! Wait a minute, he's an old dude, really fat, with a yellow eye? Yuck, I don't even wanna _know_ how it got that way! Who is this guy?

_He is a new hired scientist for Weapon X._

And you couldn't use any of the other characters because...

_I don't read your comics, at least not many of the Weapon X ones. I'm doing the best I can here!_

You are really starting to annoy me, know that?

"So, you gettin paid to do this or is it all part of the thrill of meeting me?" Here it comes, lines like that always get brainiacs to spill their guts. Brace for monologging folks!

"You have no idea what trouble you've caused Wilson! Every plan Weapon X has ever had, you've managed to screw up!"

"Oh, and it wasn't easy, let me tell ya - "

"Shut up! We've figured out how to make you behave! You're insane but it was because of something seriously wrong that happened to you. Not gonna ask. But why not have a Wade Wilson that'll think? That'll follow directions! You need to be...cloned."

"Cloned? Oh, that already happened in an arc with Nick Fury and Skrulls. Besides, remember what happened to Spider-Man? I am so not going down that road!

_You have no choice!_

Oh Brittany95 if you mess this up for me...oh man... so that Dr. Girl Repellant stuck me in a giant oven with lights and -

_Cloning chamber!_

Whatever! So Dr. Girl Repellant stuck me in a "Cloning Chamber" and all these light scan me. Apparently no more needles needed here, cuz still strapped to this stupid thing, annoyingly out of reach of all my weapons, I was able to see my finished clone. But nothing prepared me for what I saw.

"Whoa! I'm a chick!"


	2. Who's the Boss?

**Author's note: Um, yeah, can't find a coloring tool here, so just so you guy know, normally I typed in pink for when I speak, and green for Lady Pool. And this arch isn't a bash against her, this is my opinion on how I think things could have gone well well before I even read the issues.**

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Who's The Boss

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_To catch you guys up, a new scientist for Weapon X captured Deadpool and -_

They made me a girl!

_No, they didn't perform surgery. He was cloned and they -_

They made my he a she!

_Well, at least I didn't write they made __you__ a she!_

If you did that I would kill you with my katana, and keep slicing and shooting just for fun. As a matter of fact, I'm considering doing that now!

_Oh yeah, forgot to mention in the recap, they took all his weapons._

I hate you.

At Weapon X headquaters:

_Deadpool, still strapped to the board -_

Ahem!

_Ugh! Fine!_

Still annoyingly out of reach of my weapons, and annoyingly in the story of this little demon (yeah I called her a demon, who else would make a mercenary a girl and take away his weapons?), my somehow fully clothed She-Pool managed to be of some use by breaking free and kicking the crud out of Dr. Girl Repellent.

"You should take better care of your weapons."

"You're like 2 minutes old! Who are you to judge?" I question my impostor who somehow speaks in green. She tossed me my weapons, but I could still hear her whisper to me, "You do realize I'm you and I can hear your thoughts, right?"

"You gonna start somethin'? Cuz what was censored by the moderators I can back up if you make me, but I don't wanna hit me, even if the you me _is _a girl version of me!"

That trans-sexual copycat had the nerve to laugh at me, so I took her mask off. Then came the biggest insult. Her face was beautiful! I mean she's no Bea, but in that girly version of my uniform she was a totally HOT! And worse yet I thought that and she could read my mind. "How is it you have a face like that?"

"You mean not butt-ugly...er...hamburger-ugly like yours? I figure I have your genetics, but I have enough sense not to get my body burnt. By the way, just wanna set it straight for the readers, I can't read your mind; it was a joke."

"Great, great. I got a copy of me that has enough nerve to put one over on the original. Better be because it's just your time of the month." I'm stuck with her? Oh Britt, thou art such a cruel -

_Family Board!_

"Shoot." See? Now you got me saying shoot cuz you're too self-conscious of the board rules to let me finish my sentence! Between you and "Lady Pool", you two make me crazier than I already am!

"My time of the - - You do realize you said that out loud and I could hear you, right?"

"You were meant to!" Then I realized we completely forgot that we needed to get outta here. The her me grabbed the he me, me, by the arm and and she ran me and her through the place and cleared a path for us to go, complaining that I was way too slow with all my weapons. As the me who turned out to be a pretty hot girl dragged me along, I couldn't help but wonder, I think of myself as handsome. Would the she me think I'm hot like I think the she me's hot? Would it be considered perverted if I did myself myself? Would it actually change anyone's opinion of me? And since the she me was supposed to be a he, how did he get all those sweet curvy-

_FAMILY BOARD!_

Shut up! It's your own fault. You thought you could anger/humiliate me, but it backfired! I'm falling for myself and you've to put up with it!

_Wait a minute...you don't really like her do you? You just wanna get me back! One more stunt like this and I just might put you in bed with...ok you already did that but I can think of people way worse!_

Ooh...little girl gonna control my life! I'm _so _scared ha ha...oh wait...

I wake up by a lake somewhere with that annoying girl I'm supposed to not pretend to like anymore, though I do like her, I have to, I mean, she's me! Saying I don't like her would be saying I don't like me, and I made sure everything I called her was what people already called me, so no harm done. Oh yeah, and I was tied down and -

"Totally under my control! Listen up! I had to save your butt, and since you had those gun loaded from chest to ankles, I had to carry three times my weight! Not to mention the gas from whatever it is you ate!"

"First off," I begin as I show the she-me who's boss by making her see the wrong end of my bazooka, "No one can control me, not even me! Second, if you're a me, all be you a girl me, you would know what I ate. I'm smarter than you! I'm smarter than you!"

"You can't be smarter than yourself! If you are going to speak nonsense like me at least follow your own logic!"

"Like you? I'm sorry, who's the original here?"

"ME! I have looks, more brains then you, your skills, no insanity. I'm you if you never ever never ever never ever went insane!"

"Sorry, "Lady Pool", but we are both insane! What, why am I saying I'm sorry? Brittany! I told you to stop writing my dialog!"

"Wait, who?"

And she is _so _not me!

_You told me not to write your life. You said nothing about dialog! And she is you. She's just uses her brain, and decided to take you down. Haven't you noticed the chains tieing you to the tree had a grenade set to go off on it? She wants to be the only Pool on Earth to my knowledge._

To your knowledge? You're writing it!

_You told me not to so I gave control to Lady Pool._

"YOU WHAT?"

"That's right! I'M In Control Here! AND YOU ARE GOING DOWN!"

This is wrong on _so _many levels, and me talking, that's saying something...


	3. Wow, Wow

**Author's Note: I'll take the time to say again, I don't own the characters, actually like Lady Pool and DeadPool, I narrate in italics, Lady Pool speaks in underline, and there may be references to people from another site and the fanfics they made because that's where all of this premiered. Ok!**

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Wow...No One Can Think of a Title Other Than Wow...

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_Hey everyone! If you didn't tune in for the previous stories, Deadpool was cloned, and his he is a she! Now Lady Pool has control of the issue, but since she is a character and not the original -_

"Yes I am!"

_Not! She cannot narrate, so you'll see a lot of pink text. Some of you boys may wanna tune out because I know it's like Kryptonite to you guys. So, let's get on with the show!_

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_Lady Pool had Deadpool tied to a tree, with grenades set to go off. Admittingly, I can imagine him daydreaming situations like this._

"Hey! You want to have about 50 bullet wounds through your head? I mean, with HER?"

_Well, I can narrate you the way I want to now, she's the boss, so put up with it!_

"Yeah, you are a pathetic excuse of me, so soon I will be the only me left!"

"Seriously, you are monologging like that yellow-eyed girl repellant, and I'M the one crazy? Me? Well, yeah, maybe, but she can't be the girl, not crazy me!"

_Fine, she is the girl brain using, scheming, even more evil version of you! Anyway, Deadpool was about to be blown to bits by the grenades attached to him, but when they set off...they were duds. Lady Pool angrily went back to a stack of DeadPool's weapons and decided to use the katanas to finish him off. Deadpool knew what he was like, and hoped his "Pride" *cough* arrogance *cough* would stay the same._ "Hey, for a girl mercenary you seem pretty cowardly. I'm a master fighter! You have me chained up like...ok I caught myself that time, sorry not family appropriate, but you can at least do it with your eyes closed to be _somewhat _of a challenge!"

"You're absolutely right! I always wanted a DeadPool piñata! Let's see if some goodies pour out..."

"Um...yeah...you are about and hour old now, how long have you been planning to kill me, I mean you're an hour old, you shouldn't even be smart enough to tell how to use a mask! And I really am disgusted with myself the way the you-me used the word "goodies", I mean I guess it's not _as _creepy, considering you're a girl, but...yeah..."

_Filled with fury, Lady Pool closed her eyes and stuck, the chain, which was now broken and Deadpool elbowed the back of her neck to get his katanas, and went to the pile Lady Pool of his weapons. He secured the belt of his costume with guns, lasers, grenades, and other weapons he normally carries on his person, and headed to finish her off. Then, he noticed something strange about her..._

"Really, you're writing me _just now _noticing something strange about her?"

_Well, she's you, a fact you seem to keep forgetting, and so you just admitted you were strange. Anyway, Lady Pool crumbled to the bottom of the tree, and held her stomach as pain overwhelmed her. A wound from a scrape she received from Deadpool was now oozing out a strange green slime. Deadpool, although he hated her with every fiber of his being, decided that she was still him, and he can't just let himself hang out to dry. Therefore, he was off to find her help._

"Do I have to?"

_Yes._

"Crud."

_Wilson carried his clone to a ranger station, seeing as how just beyond the point of the secret laboratory of Weapon X, it was public woods. No surprise to what he discovered, the place was torn apart, claw marks and other means of destruction plagued the place, obviously Sabretooth and he others had been here, but they are away at this time, leaving only Dr. Harventle._

Dr. Harventle? Well, at least you mentioned Sabretooth, shows you read at least some of my books...

_Oh wait, you can do the whole thoughts to me thing again, huh?_

Meh, don't worry 'bout it. Next issue though -

_Uhhh...don't think I wanna know! Where was I...oh yeah... Deadpool came through the room, Lady Pool wrapped around his shoulders, pointing a laser gun at the doctor. _"What's up doc? Oh wait, I know what's up...your guts spread across the ceiling if you don't help my clone!" Ugh. Still gettin' baby barfs hearin' me sayin' that.

"P-p-p-p-please d-don't hurt me! They tricked me into joining! Honest! I was a pediatrician! I'll help you're girlfriend!"

"NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

"W-w-whatever you say!" _said Doctor Harventile, who turned out to be a pediatrician who dabbled in genetics, being the best and tricked by Weapon X to work for free, after all free labor saves them lab money and -_

Get on with the narrations already!

_I was working on it! Where was I...Oh yeah. Dr. Harventile performed multiple tests on Lady Pool. Now given a name of Wilma Wilson. What can I say; Wade grew too found of her._

That's a load of -

_Family Board! Seriously, third time this series I had to remind you! You know what, forget realism, Deadpool was too careless messing around in the lab and got himself bound by duct tape, even across the mouth!_

Mmmim momma met mou! Mmmph!

_After the analysis, came through with the results, Lady Pool still knocked out from loss of some sorta slime coming out of her stomach, he returned to say, _"I'm sorry, but she is losing too much blood. The 'green slime' is her source of circulation. She was injured before her fresh body had a chance to solidify. I am giving her some fresh 'slime', but she will only have another 48 hours to live."

Wait, wasn't she supposed to be in charge of this issue? What happened?

_She was in charge in the beginning. The dud grenade was just a fluke. After that you convinced her to be cocky *cough* genes *cough* and she got knocked out, so things progressed naturally. Oh and the somehow the duct tape is reattached and...uh-oh...Deadpool reaches for his AK-47 and..ummm...see what happens next issue, BYE!_


	4. 2 for 1 Start to Become 1

2 for 1 Starts to Become 1

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Hey peoples! If you're just tuning in, that so-not-me Lady Pool is melting to goo in two days my time. Yay! But that big-mouth butt-into-my-stories Brittany95 got me into trying to save her. If you ask me -

_Mmph! Mmph!_

Heh heh, like I had to tell str8 once, duct tape works both ways! Why don't you temps ever listen to me? Anyways, I get to speak, but I can't find a "writer is immobilized" clause, so I can't control what happens.

_Mmph mmournm -_

_*riiiiiiiiiiiiiiip* _What are you sayin'?

_Moron! You're in for one heck of a -_

_*slap* _Sheesh, rub it in why don't cha? Ok, you're gagged again...let's get on with it!

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So I'm standing in that run-down lab with Sissy Pool and Dr. Girl Repellant -

_Mmarm Mmrtm!_

How much duct tape do I have to put over your mouth? Seriously, do I have to put a steel plate over that chasm? So, I was gonna kill Lady Pool just to end this nightmare, but then -

"Doc! We have Wade fixed yet? He could be useful if he could just pay attent - - - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh this is just too good! A WILMA Wilson? A Girly Deadpool? Gotta call the runt over, take a picture or something!" Ugh, so this is where Sabertooth comes in. Amazing, even when she isn't here, Britt is still a pain in my butt.

Rrrgmmmm...Where... So Sabretooth was ready to attack, must be force of habit or something. So I pulled out my guns, but that show-off even compared to me, decides I need saving, so she grabbed my swords and cut Sabretooth across his chest while the doc went out to hide. Ha! Scram Wade, I got it from here! I was gonna pound her one, but then, oh sweet justice! Lady DeathStrike and Omega Red were ready to come in after her. "Go ahead and take care of them Wilma, I'll watch!" Where's some popcorn when you need it? This gonna be fun….

**Omega Red:** "Two Wilsons? Ugh, one accursed tongue is enough to make anyone's ears bleed!"

So then everyone thinks'a Lady Pool for nothin' and she first came at them all armed and dangerous, first impressively she put Saretooth in a headlock (not gonna ask where she learned that. She is seriously too smart to be my clone.) but he so much as nicked her in her wound and she collapsed. So then they came after me. Goodie.

**Lady DeathSrike:** "You will pay the ultimate price for your disobedience Wade, son."

**Me:** "Whatever! You keep your roboto-finger nails to yourself!" I say as I pull out my latest of guns!

Not sure what it's called but it makes a big boom and that's good enough! I was able to fend them off while the 'goodie-two shoes' doc carries away my spunky but so-lame-so-weak clone. Eventually I had to come up with a strategy good enough to take down the three of them.

So I did what any red-blooded Canadian man would do….BLAST THE HECK OUT OF THEM!

First I was able to trip up Lady DeathStrike by the old extend the leg trick. (That never gets old!) After that it was easy to pull off her lame fake arms. You know how I know its lame? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I LOST MY ARMS? Well, ok, neither do I, but every time I just grew it back, and every time she needs a _doctor_! Hahahahahahahahaha! Ok, enough, back to the _really_ good stuff!

Taking down Omega Red was a little harder; he went for the old "strangle me with his Doc-Oct tentacles" plan. Hmm…..Doc Oct Tentacles? Ok 1, I really was with str8 too long, that dude made me get that stupid Parker on the brain! And b, it was offensive when DC copies Marvel, but when Marvel copies Marvel? C'Mon! So, what happens is I was smart enough to load up on the weapons while my evil-female (no surprise, those words go hand in hand) clone is K-Oed. I stuck a grenade down the dudes' pants! You should picture this, he's running around frantic, but still tryin' to look tough thinking 'Get it out! Get it out!' Haha, good luck anyone volunteerin'! But he took it out himself and decided to head back, thinkin' Ol' Sabe'll take care of me. Sucker.

So then Sabretooth comes at me while I was still laughing my guts out over Red, when he literally slashes my guts out. So not cool. I was able to land some sound jabs and side-winders, but my healing was too slow for me to be strong enough for it to take any effect. Then Lady Pool finally comes in handy! (Did I actually think that? I'm going to have to wash my mouth out when this is over. Wait, think = brain. Ok, I'll do it with my brain but it'll sting a little.) LD decides to work through the pain and kicked Sabe in the place no man wants to be kicked! (She's starting to look like a chip off the ol' block!)

Well, then people get angry, the fight moves on, all the people come back, who knows what in the world is happening! All I know is I was using good math. The doc made my clone = bad. My clone = bad. My old buddies from Weapon X = bad, so randomly shooting people with my fancy new gun would be a win, win, win no matter how you figure it! Like I said, I have no idea what was going on, but soon the fight was over. Then Wilma and I made a break for it. (Yeah, I know, never name what you're about to kill, but I can't help it.) As we made our way out of the forest, her still holding her stomach by an arm trying to keep in that green sludge, there was a motorcycle coming down and….. oh no, so I quickly hid Wilma behind a log to avoid further embarrassment.

"Logan? What are you doin' here?"

"Wilson, _love_ to break it to you, but you're goin' down!" _*shing, shing*_

So then my clone decides to make another appearance and come out from the place I specifically through her down!

"…."

"Go ahead, laugh. I know you're gonna."

"What do you mean? I just thought I was seein' double."

"Whoa-ho-ho, you are DEAD!"

So I rapid fire my sweet new gun, but the Wolverine has to come and chop it down to size. Then Lady Pool went and kicked us both in the stomach, sending us in opposite directions. Not my proudest moment.

"What did you do that for?"

"Just felt like it. I say we make him talk on why he's after us."

"We're enemies. What more explanation do you need?"

"WE'RE INTERROGATING HIM!"

"You women and your moods…."

_*rolls eyes*_ "Why are you after me?"

"I was goin' back to the Xmansion, 'n – "

"You divorced it?"

"What?"

"You said X, so – "

"Ignore her. He could smell the gun powder, knew it was Weapon X, could we get on with the story? Where were we…. So Logan, you gonna slice 'n dice me?"

"With her around, you don't need me, bub. Later."

So then he hops back on his bike and rides off, then I just had to say, "I knew he'd do that. You really are torture."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Aaaaah! When will I get out of this stupid arc?"


	5. A Heck of a Long Search

**Author's note: I don't own any of the characters so don't sue me, I originally wrote me in pink and the clone in green so I did my best, and I wrote this at a different site where I'm known as Brittany95. There are also call-backs to other DeadPool fanfics that were pretty famous on that site, so the thing with the Vampiris girl and him and Spidey in bed together (not in that way, btw) are just parts of stories you have yet to read, though you may have read Strupevl's work, idk.**

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A Heck of a Long Search

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So what's been happenin' is Brittany95, cursed be her existence, is after she humiliated me in front of Weapon X and Logan by showing off my female clone, again, _she_ made –

_And after you bound and gagged me –_

And after I checked the inter-arch rule book which is like the Laws of Physics here, if I kill her I'm stuck in this arch forever, and I can barely stand two more issues. So like on those sissy yet rewarding somehow reality T.V. shows may say, "Let's make a Deal!" I suffer through this and I kill you after all this is over.

_Ok, that sounds - - - wait, what?_

Too late! I call dibs on turning you into a cold dead body! Yes! Especially after you had your friend send that Vampiris chick after me! So, going on with the arch, I gotta find a guy who's enough of an egghead to fix my melting clone who tried to kill me. Why exactly?

_Because you're growing fond of her._

Bull. But I still get full control unless you want a mouth full of dirty socks, got it?

_Fine._

So, what's happening is I gotta reach all the way around the freakin' Marvel Universe to find someone to fix Wilma.

_You know what they say about naming –_

Shut. It. Now. Well, I convinced her she was so sick she had to stay behind with the doc. So my first instinct is Reed Richards. I mean he's real smart, right? And Sue's pretty hot, too. So I bust my way through their security system. My luck they're away on another "interdimensional mission" or something. Meh, I just wait there. Oh wait, here comes that ship thingy, this is going pretty good.

"So, if we recalibrate the transitions between positive and negative ions within the experimental particle beam, we would get – " I stopped listening. Yup, he's gotta be my guy, Then he looks up from his shiny new toy and notices me.

"It's Clobberin' Time!" says the pile of rocks rushing towards me. He came at me too fast – moves fast for a boulder – and knocks me one, but before that flame-brain Torch could say "Flame On" I was able to get out my side of the story.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it there, 100 tubs-o-brick, I come in peace, and I don't mean that in an alien way where they make you think that and then blow up the Earth. Wow, that movie was cool, but I need help. I need the biggest Egghead I can find to help my melting girly clone. Richards, you got and antidote or what?"

Then that jerk still entangles me in his rubber band arms – kinda gay if you ask me - and then he says, "I specialize in study of the Microverse and space/interdimensional travel. I'm afraid I wouldn't have a cure in time, but you're getting turned in to the police for killing all those people." The stupid stretchy scientist says. I simply use grenades to make enough smoke to fill up all in their lungs while I made a getaway. Stupid stretch. I'll cut away at his little rubber band pieces just like I did regular rubber bands when I was a kid. Then I'd go on by feeding all the little Reed meat to birds. Haha, have a good feast little birdies! Hahaha –

_Dude, that is so sick,_

You chose me to write about, so you're one to talk! Ok, I would go to Weas, but I doubt he'd be a big brain enough to help, I mean he's a computer geek, but not so much an egghead material. So next I head over to Hank's place. Pym I mean, not that guy in blue hair. But then I just plain can't find him, probably just that small, so I wreck some stuff in the lab and leave. That'll show him not to mess with me with him not being there!

So next stop, Tony Stark. He made that armor and other kinds of doohickeys, right? Well, I learned some awesome tricks on how to secretly get into a guy's lab.

_Blow up whatever's there?_

Who asked you? So I was able to catch him as Shellhead – big surprise – and the Iron Man armor was _glistening_, as he took off his helmet to – Brittany, stop writing my dialog!

_Again, you never said I couldn't write. I mean you are still in control of __**your actions.**__ Well, as much as you normally are at least. And it isn't your dialog, it's your thoughts._

Not My Thoughts! I have to have a lawyer draw up a contract with this girl, but since I'm stuck in this arch until then I scream HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP! But he has enough sense to let me say something first. "Hey Stark, look, I need your big brain to save this girl, ok, yeah, she's my clone who tried to kill me, but c'mon, I've killed plenty and way better."

"After that confession SHIELD has a top priority case to capture you, you being a near indestructible mercenary."

"Ain't you supposed to put a life before a capture or whatever?"

"She's a clone. Doesn't count."

"I'd say X-23 would beg to differ."

"Wilson, I have no further business talking to you." He says as he lifted up one of those blaster thingies on his armor. He hit me, but I healed, quickly yelled, "Blow it out your exhaust pipe!" and left before he could use those jet boots to chase after me, mainly because I left a little distraction on the floor. Get that out of you head! It was a bomb that was ticking down. He had to take care of that before me. Well, I guess it's time to head back. But wait, Spidey was a scientist! Ok, yeah, for a while he settles as a teacher, but after that arch we did, how could he say no?

"No."

"Wait, my thought bubbles are still broken?"

"Yeah, and I'm guessing whoever you've been talking to today heard everything you were thinking, so yeah, as usual, you're screwed. And I'm not dealing with anymore clones, not any that have _your_ DNA." Says the mean spider-jerk who is ungrateful to be in that arch we did together in that, I don't know, maybe thirty fanfics.

"I can still hear you, and no I'm NOT grateful being put in bed with you and dragged through adventures for thirty-something issues." The arachNerd says swinging away. Ok, I am officially all out of ideas. So I head back to the Repellent's place –

_Dr. Harventile!_

I know it's your character creation, but you gotta admit it's not catching on as much as Repellent. And of coarse Lady Pool has gotta get her spotlight, so she spends it yelling at me.

"YOU COULDN'T GET ANYONE TO FIX ME? Look at me! I'm almost a pile of green goop! You have one day to find someone or it's the end of me! That's what you want, isn't it? You want your own flesh and blood to _die_ before she gets to experience life. I see how it is now, every Wilson for herself around Wade. I guess I'll just have to get used to the fact of dying alone and – "

"Ok, Ok, listen I'll find someone!"

"I know what to do," says Repellent, eye looking even yellower than before. Again, don't wanna know how that happened. "I've created an interdimensional portal that is proven to be full of superheroes, one called such as a superman."

I gotta admit I was only half listening, I mean my rep is so over. Who gets famous being a mercenary trying to save a girl who is him who tries to kill him?

_I don't know about the clone, but some mercenaries actually were famous, like one guy called Mike Hoare, who inspired the, "The Wild Geese", where –_

Yeah, yeah, I don't need to hear about your stupid bird movie. Wait, why were you looking up mercs anyways?

_I have my reasons._

Uh-huh, yeah, sure, so you gonna be a #1 For my fan club because you might wanna think about writing nicer stories for someone who could –

_JUST SHUT IT WILSON!_

Just making a point is all. Wait, back up, did he say he created a interdimensional portal? Yet he couldn't make a cure? That is just lazy writing, I was better off just sticking with Reed. And you sent me all over the Marvel Universe for no reason? I HATE YOU. Wait, back it up some more, did he say Superman?

_Yup._

I'm going DC! All right, end of issue; I gotta prepare a list for when I go in.

_Ok, well, ok, The End. Um, DeadPool, what are you writing?_

Like I said, a list. Check it out:

**DeadPool's Checklist:**

Give Superman a wedgie – what he gets for wearing his underwear on the outside

Make out with Wonder Woman – she's half naked, total score!

Crack so many jokes, I make Batman laugh – someone's gotta teach that dude how to have fun


	6. Finally the Torture Has Ended

**Author's Note: Um, well, this is the last issue, and no, I do not hate Lady Pool, I think she's a cool character. I wrote this at another website (explaining the call-backs to a fan fic there) and this was before her first appearance, I got dared to write a fanfic with her in it, so I did. Marvel, don't sue, and I hope you enjoy.**

**

* * *

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Finally The Torture Has Ended!

* * *

In case you haven't been reading I don't blame you, but this is the best to ever happen to me recently! To find a cure for my demon of a female clone, I'm going to the DC Universe! And this is the last issue! EVERYBODY SING!

Ceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel-a-bra-tion-time C'Mon!

_Stop singing and start teleporting. Dr. Harventile already powered up an interdimensional portal that'll take you to DC._

He could make an interdimensional portal but not a cure? Just plain lazy writing, again. Seriously, you need to work on your plot skills. So I go ahead and step on through, but I'm not even on the DC earth, I'm on the hovering headquarters of the Justice League. Al_riiiiiiight_! Finally in DC comics. Yes! Frankly, the Disney sell-out was really getting me down. Where's Wonder Woman?

_Um, we're looking for a genius to stop Lady Pool from melting into goo, remember?_

She's half naked, who cares? Besides, I got a score to settle with Bats. I'm supposed to be the sickest man in comics, why is he a grown man in tights running around with children, hmmm? I have half a mind to feed those pet bats of his little pieces of him mixed in with the shreds of those 'anatomically-correct' batsuits of the 90s movies, I mean, COME ON! Bat _nipples? _That should _not_ be in a family friendly 90s movie; it's disturbing even for me and don't try and tell me it was a coincidence it started in the same movie where he got his sidekick. And just for helping him I'm going to make Alfred serve them and…..well, no, actually Al is cool in my book. Cooler than Jarvis and…oh no, God, I am starting another 'Butler War' on , I just know it.

_That is so disturbing, and now that you mention it I'll reply to your ramblings by saying you're more out-of-whack than Batman._

Thank you for protecting my title!

_Um, no, no, wait! That was a burn, not as deep as the burn you already got, but still!_

Whatever, people are coming. So I'm standing there in the hovering platform thing, and in rushes Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, the Green Lantern, Hawkgirl, and oh goodie! Batman, what a surprise, I'd think he'd at home with Robin. Inspecting his utility belt or –

**Wonder Woman:** "I can hear you. We all can. We would attack, but the League is fair and we want to hear you out."

**Hawkgirl:** "Speak for yourself, I can already tell that guy is sick!"

**Superman:** "Diana's right. It is only fair to hear his side."

Well, Batman is giving me a nasty look from what I was thinking before. My thought bubbles and captions are broken around here so they can hear everything I think.

**Flash:** "We established that, and I'm not sure how, but how's about we just get this over with and tell us what you're doing here?"

**Me: "**Yeah, here's the thing. I'm from another universe, and my clone, she is melting into goo, so I need a serious genius here to help her."

**Green Lantern:** "Well, if your clone's really - - - wait, did you just say your clone's a girl?"

**Me:** "LONG story, but basically there was a screw-up with the cloning chamber and my he was a she. Huh, guess it wasn't that long after all. AAAAAAAGH!"

So then the Martian Manhunter phases through the floor of the place, prompting my totally cool and completely MANLY outburst. Worst of all those cheese-heads (among other words I can't say on this site, THANKS moderators!) don't think so and I can hear them chuckling behind me.

**Martian Manhunter:** "I can tell in your world you have killed and are feared by many. Others are simply annoyed. We will not help you."

**Me:** "Well, I know I'm a merc, but now people think of me more as an anti-hero, so –"

"GET OUT!" screams Hawkgirl swinging her mace at me. I was able to have a_ little_ fun by yellin' "Nice undies!" to Superman on my way out. Wise a** used his heat beam eyes to burn my….um, lets move on. I move as fast as I can to get away from the creeps. First one coming at me again was the Flash. This'll be fun. I lock the door behind him, started running, moved out the way, and watched him turn into a human pinball machine!

"Send your partner 'round 'n 'round, and hurl him down onto the ground!" Wow, I must have been around Britt too long. Her and her hick family –

_Oh, you're just mad cuz my family ate chimichangas the other day and I didn't bother to call you over._

Hate you. So apparently these guys really hate me, cuz here comes the Green Lantern. I couldn't help it, I had to ask.

"So, what do you think? Maybe you should sell that ring in a garage sale or something. I mean, rings? Not very manly, unless you're a punk so don't be something you're not. It either looks gay or just plain wrong. I'm just saying because you could get some serious coin." Then I unpacked a serious load from that gun that goes boom I mentioned a couple chapters ago.

_You could have killed that guy!_

Duh! Look at who you're talkin' to! And I knew I wasn't gonna hurt him with that ring of his! Just relax writer girl, I gotta think. These guys know I'm not the best guy around. I need someone more gullible.

_Maybe a super __kid__?_

Hoo-hoo, I know just what to do. I escape on one of the pods on the JLA ship and head it down to Dakota City. It wasn't long before I ran into the electric dude with the supergenius friend, Static Shock!

**Gear:** "Who's this guy?"

**Static:** "Look at all those guns! I've seen military warehouses with less weapons!"

**Me: "**_Alright!_ Now I know I've got the right kid. Listen, your friend Gear, think he can whip up a batch of cure for my ailing clone? She's turning to goop."

**Gear: "**Sounds like it's a simple molecular destabilization process. With a sample of your deoxyribonucleic acid, I can reverse-engineer the genetic sample, and neutralize the genetic code that is causing the destabilization process to occur."

**Me: "**Which means?"

**Static: "**Give him a piece of hair or something, and it's a done deal! (Then the electric idiot whispers to Gear) I don't trust him. Look at the heat he's packin'!"

**Me: "**I'm a martial artist in my world, specializing in armed combat, but I'm totally a hero like you, or I would have fired off and demanded wouldn't I?"

**Gear:** "You know, he's got a point, but black market opportunities led a Bang Baby to steal a device I need for the reverse-engineering in order to get some serious fundage. We could always use help taking it back."

So I end up at an old warehouse ready to take a piece of tech from Hotstreak, Ebon, and Kangor. Static takes on Ebon (living shadows verses electric dude, someone's gonna be pulp after this.) Then tech-head decides to take on flame-brain. (That would be Hotstreak, not the Human Torch. Shocking, I know.) So I'm stuck with the big-foot earthquake maker, Kangor.

**Kangor:** "Ju ready ta get to da bea-down, cuz we cou en dis real quick, mon!"

**Me:** "What the - ? There are freakin' mushmouths in every universe! As if Gambit wasn't bad enough!"

**Kangor:** "E scu me? Ooh da heck es Gambit?"

As pleasant as I am half-sure that sounded, I've taken all I can stands and I can't stands no more! I start open-fire on that wanna-be street, foreign, couldn't speak English worth heck, fulla – "

_FAMILY BOARD!_

SHUT UP! I open fire on that dude with grenades and everything else I got before he got a chance to stomp his feet.

**Static:** "OH MY GOD! You killed Kangor!"

**Me: "**This is a fanfic, don't worry, it won't mess with your continuity!"

Then luck would have it Ebon and Hotstreak kept Static and Gear busy, so I press the modified transporter the doc tinkered with to take me home, just in time to see Lady Pool to turn to goop.

I'm melting! I'm out of time! DeadPool! I am your clone! If you can't save me it doesn't say much for your future! You'll pay! Oh, what a woooooooorld!

Hmm. Guess that puts an end to this arch, the Lady Pool nightmare. Anyone want celebratory chimichangas?

_Don't be so sure._

What are you planning?

_Not me! Your writers! Rumor has it Lady Pool is coming to your mainstream book, or one of them._

**Author's Note: Right here DeadPool would scream so long it would take up five or six lines of type, but since for some reason the Document Manager won't let me do that, you get the idea.**


End file.
